You had me at Bojangles

21 May

So today I was going to write about some of the memorable people and scenes I’ve witnessed while in my car in L.A. because, well I spend A LOT of time in my car. . . .alone. . . .often times wanting so badly to have one other person at least SEE what I’ve just seen. I will get to those in one moment but I wanted to share this other gem first. So, I had another commercial audition today and as much as I was hoping it was going to be your run of the mill “slate, speak, leave” types, of course, it was not. I’m not sure if there is someone in my agent’s office who is intentionally trying to get me auditions that are awkward, hilarious, and humiliating specifically so I can blog about them or if I’m just . . . .lucky? But whatever the reason each audition is becoming increasingly more outrageous than the last (which is difficult, considering the last one I had to run in my dress clothes).

Today’s audition, for a popular southern fast food chain, seemed innocent enough. I’d be going for the young ethnic (whatever) mom type who is pregnant and riding a horse. Okay, come to think of it, this all sounds like red flags. Attire was causal, jeans, t-shirt, etc. So, that’s good. Easy stuff.

I get to the casting office and there’s a parking spot RIGHT IN FRONT. Swweeeet. I go in and have just caught the casting director about to give the group “this is what you’ll be doing” speech. Let’s just say after he explained it (with a lot of sighs, eye rolling, and shaking of his head) we were all a little stunned. Who the hell writes this stuff? And why are they SO BAD. To run it down quickly, this is how the commercial went.

A young husband and pregnant wife (me, who had to wear a pillow under my shirt) is brushing a horse in a barn. We’re happy, blissful, enjoying our activity. Then, the baby kicks and I turn, surprised and happy, to my husband and say . . .”Honey, I think it’s time!”. This is when it gets weird. His response? His stomach growls and he takes a moment before answering, “No honey, its BO TIME!!”. Then he whisks me onto the horse (in this case, a crate) and happily (directors words) we simulate (AWKWARDLY) riding off to Bojangles while I’m doing breathing exercises . . . .because I’m going into labor. . . .but riding off to a fast food restaurant instead.  . . . . on a horse. . . . .happily.

WHAT THE BUNZ PEOPLE!?!?!?!?!? What the bunz. Wow. Not only did I have to do it twice but then I was asked to do it another two times because they ran out of girls (because they ran away after hearing how horrible the audition is? I can only assume). Lucky bitches.

So yeah. That happened. I felt really bad for the two guys I read with. You should have seen their faces when the casting director told them what they had to say. Also, the casting director kept giving them the direction of being “more natural” when they said their lines because, ya know, “No honey, it’s BO TIME!!” is sweeping the nation. You know what’s funny? It occurred to me while recreating the scene for my work bestie, Lorena, that this stupid saying WILL probably be really catchy, given it’s target audience. Southern guys who drink sweet tea, wear cut off shirts, and love Larry the Cable Guy. Actually, this writer might be a genius. Can’t you imagine the following conversation between two guys who live in the south and eat a Bojangles?

Bob: Rick, buddy, what time is it?

Rick: Well, hell Bob, it’s BO TIME!!!

Yep. I’m calling it right now. You heard it here first folks. You’ve been warned. IT’S BO TIME.

You know what else is really humiliating about this story? If I get a call back, I’m still, totally going. And I will act like I’m happy . . . .about riding off to Bojangles. And I’ll do it with gusto. Like I really mean it. Now THAT’S sad. I’m totally going to do this ridiculous Bojangles commercial, y’all. Straight from the horses mouth. This is what acting has become for me. Awkward auditions and stupid commercials. I’m so glad I got my degree! Weeeeeeee!

They do have good biscuits though. Sort of. . . . .

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