Things I’m Really Bad At (an ongoing list)

12 Aug

I can see . . . . . that you suck.

  • Yeah, blogging. Blogging should probably be on the list since my last post was in June. Not sure how prolific a blogger should be but I’m guessing more than once every two months? Maybe? I don’t know. There are only certain things I want to write about and lately even those things seem unimportant. Life’s been busy. And I’ve lost my creative impulses. I’m tired. And sort of uninspired. But I’m hoping it’ll be a short phase.

 

  • Storytelling.  Which bums me out because I’d really, really like to have this gift. People who have this gift are so captivating. Interesting. Funny. Entertaining. Inevitably, even when I know I have a good story to tell, I’m  disappointed in my delivery because whoever I’m telling my story to aren’t laughing/crying/scared by what I’m saying. Also, I’ve become acutely aware of the sound of my voice while speaking and it makes me nervous. This is a new neurosis. I don’t think I’ve always had this but it adds to the challenge of good storytelling. I start to tell my story, then hear my voice, decide that I’m annoying and end the story as quickly as possible with little or no interesting facts. . . . Stupid. Since when did I become so self-aware? It’s pissing me off. I gotta work on having just a little of that “I don’t give a shit” attitude of my youth.  I gotta do voices and imitate people without care and tell a story with some gusto. I gotta really learn to really sell it. I’m going to take a lesson from Quentin Tarantino and focus more on the details.

 

  • Critiquing. This shouldn’t be confused with judging. It’s more specifically directed at writing. I guess it doesn’t really come as a surprise since I’m not that confidant in my writing, why would I think of critiquing someone elses? But it’s not just that I don’t have anything good or bad to say it’s that I feel like I want to add some sort of productive and thought provoking comments, come at it from an angle even the writer didn’t think about. But I got nothing. Most of the time I just say, “it was great!” or “I liked it, very funny!” My comments are like those horrible edited versions of watered down, generic, movie reviewer quotes. I’m annoyed at myself for writing them. I also just hate it. I feel like I’m grading a paper. Sometimes, if it doesn’t move me or I don’t have something clever to say, I don’t write anything. Is that bad? I kind of just want to ignore it. On the flip side of that I get SO angry if I give someone something to read and they don’t comment on it. Nothing? Really? Yeah, not cool. So great. . . now, I can add hypocrite to my list.

 

  •   Saying No. This one is also a new discovery for me. I find myself doing the very thing I have a pet peeve about. People who can’t say no to things or other people when they don’t really want to do something. All of a sudden I get this panicked feeling like I might be missing out on something or that I might seem “uncool” or “old” so even though I’d rather just go home and get into my pj’s and watch reruns of Sons of Anarchy, instead I decide it’s a great idea to stay up all night partying. During the week. . . .When I have work the next morning. Sometimes it’s fun and worth it. Sometimes I just wish I’d gone to sleep 8 hours before.

 

  • Talking on the Phone. I hate it. I’m sorry if this affects you directly. It’s nothing personal. REALLY. I hate talking to everyone on the phone for too long. The people closest to me know this and (I think?) have accepted it. I just. . . I don’t know. Don’t like it. I don’t mind a short conversation where going into it, I know it’s going to be quick. I’m talking the conversations you know have the potential of lasting for a loooong time. This does pose a problem for keeping in touch with friends and I really try my hardest to make the effort in other ways but yeah, it’s a shitty aspect of my personality. However! I’d like to think I’m much better in person. And really try to go outta my way to make talking face to face with me as enjoyable as possible, minus good storytelling that is.

 

  • Memory/Birthdays. This has been an ongoing joke in my family for years because of my Dad. He would always tell people I don’t remember anything from before I was 9 because every time he would remind me about a trip we took, or a memorable moment I just couldn’t remember it. I always thought he was exaggerating but I’ve realized, that nope, he was onto something. I have a terrible memory. I do have a photographic memory, which comes in VERY handy but only when I make a point to remember it. It’s weird. It’s like selective hearing only with my memory. Grand Canyon: Totally. AND can remember the name of the road we took to get there, specific items on the menu of the restaurant we went to, and what the exact temperature was and songs that were on the radio. Conversation with my boss about an important meeting and aspects of that meeting: huh what? ummm exactly what day was this? Oh, yesterday. Yeah, I got nothing. Not sure if this is normal but I’ve come to realize that it’s true. I have a bad memory. Which leads me to the second aspect of this: forgetting people’s birthdays. This sucks. I hate that panicked feeling of realizing I’ve forgotten it’s someone’s birthday. This usually happens when I’m reminded by someone else with a gift for this person. Actually, if I’m being honest, it’s days later that I find out. Then I REALLY feel bad. I should probably get a better calendar. One that I actually use. That and I don’t know, maybe REMEMBER a birthday on my own? Yeah, not gonna happen. Boo on me.

This is a beginning list. Things that I’ve just recently become fully aware of and realized I’m not very good at doing. It’s always sort of interesting when you realize a new shortcoming. It’s like, huh. Yeah. I totally suck at that. It’s a shame. But like they say in AA (which I only know about b/c of movies?), the first step to recovery is acknowledging you have a problem. Oh, I got problems alright. Now if I can just remember them long enough to be able to work on correcting them, I’ll be in good shape.

What are you really bad at?

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