Sister Christian

18 May

Well today is a special day because today is my big sis’s bday. I might be the luckiest person on the planet because I get to have her as a sister. She’s pretty amazing. Beautiful, on the inside and out, funny, sweet, geniune and will give you the shirt off her back (if it fit anyone other than a small child).  She loves 80’s metal/hair bands, has pink hair, can rock the sh*t out of leather pants, and cusses like a sailor. She also gives the best hugs. Yeah, she’s a good time. So, in honor of her I thought I’d run down some of my favorite memories of her and I. Keep in mind that most of these memories are of her making a fool outta me (I get it, I’m the  stupid one who fell for it, she taught me to be able to laugh at myself) but overall time spent with her has been some of the best, most memorable times in my life. She’s my best friend, my rock, the one person that knows me the best in the whole world and I’m really, really glad I get to call her my sissypie. So Happy Birthday Sister, I love you and here’s to many, many more years of you making an ass out of me, although I really don’t need any help.

*I was about 8 or 9 and desperately wanted to hang with my cooler, older sister by giving each other “makeovers”. She finally gave in and it wasn’t until she couldn’t stop laughing while putting on my make-up that I realized she had made me look like a clown, literally. I didn’t know much about applying make-up but the fact that she wouldn’t let me look at the mirror while doing it and the feeling of that red lipstick extending WAAAAAY past my actual lips and going almost to my ears should have been a red flag. She actually filled that area in as well, so by time I actually looked in the mirror I looked like I had Mr. Potato head lips, crazy eyes, and Raggity Ann cheeks. Well played sister. Needless to say, I never really bothered her with make-up tips again.

*I have really big teeth and more often than not I will get a stray pepper piece or spinach leaf stuck in the middle of them. Once when I was in middle school and she was in high school we were driving around in her black t-topped Camaro (which was totally awesome) we pulled into our local gas station and the guy who owned it, Jack, came up on my side to see how much fuel we wanted. I held a whole conversation with him, laughing, smiling, etc. I thought I was on some sort of roll because my sister was laughing so hard she was crying. It wasn’t until about 15 minutes later when she had to pull over on the side of the road she was laughing so hard that she told me I had something in my teeth. It is for this reason that I am constantly paranoid that I have something in my teeth at all times. Especially when I’m around her and she starts to laugh for no reason.

*I use to work at a local radio station as a DJ and once when my sister came into see me I tried to impress her by dedicating a song to her, on air once she was in her car. She was moving to California then so I thought it would be a great idea to play her a song from one of our favorite bands, Everclear’s Santa Monica. Well I screwed up and live, on-air, dedicated instead, Everclear’s You Make Me Feel Like A Whore to my lovely sister. The sad thing is, I didn’t realize it was the wrong song for quite some time, until listeners started calling in about hearing the word whore on the radio in the bible belt. Let alone, dedicated from one sister to another. Did I mention we lived in a REALLY small town?

*When I was very, very small my sister tried to curl my ridiculously long hair in one of those brushlike curling irons with the bristles in it. Unfortunately she got it so tangled that it took my mom, aunt, and neighbor lady hours to untangle it. I’m not entirely sure they didn’t have to cut some of it out. And I’m not entirely sure she didn’t do it on purpose so she could get rid of me a while so she could go play with her friends alone. Hmmmm.

*When we lived in Redondo Beach her cd of Shania Twain got stuck in her car player for months. Even now, if I hear Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under I think of her and that entire summer we listened to nothing else but that. I don’t even think we tried to figure out how or why it was stuck. And I think it just magically one day came out on it’s own. Good times!

*My sister is really petite but when she does have an appetite she can go hog wild. Although sometimes when she orders food she ends up getting the biggest, most ridiculously huge portions I’ve ever seen. It’s almost as if people at restaurants are playing a joke on her. Once, she ordered a chicken pot pie from Cheesecake Factory and when they brought it out it was the size of a small bag of potatoes. She could literally hide behind it. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Another time we were in the southern part of Colorado at a family reunion and at some local diner she ordered the cinnamon roll. It came out in a cake pan. ONE CINNAMON ROLL. Again, hilarious. That trip was interesting btw. We had driven to Colorado in her escort with no air during the summertime. I got the pleasure of sitting in the back seat. Let’s just say by the end of the trip no one was talking to each other and my eyes and lips were wind chapped. But at least we had that cinnamon roll!

*My sister use to have a car that had a huge hole in the passenger side floorboard. You could literally Flintstone your way somewhere if you wanted. This is also around the time that she took me to a little place called Sidnicks, which was the smallest, dirtest, ugliest dive bar ever. It’s also the place where I had one of the funniest nights of my life and where I first heard The Outfield’s song Your Love to which it will forever hold a special place in my heart. That and a guy named Jeb.

*My sister and I use to work at the same office. She actually helped me get hired. But before I started working there she told everyone that she was the younger sister without telling me. Now, if I try to correct anyone they think I’m just being funny. She does look younger than me (we get that all the time) but the pure genius of telling people that she’s younger, knowing that no matter what I say people won’t believe me, I have to admit is pretty funny.

*We use to share a room when we were younger and at night she would get me all riled up and start tickling me knowing I couldn’t help but laugh LOUDLY. Our mom would yell down the hall . . GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLS! But in this really funny way that would just get us laughing even more. There is something about not being able to laugh that makes everything so much more funny and then IMPOSSIBLE NOT to laugh. We still try to get my mom to say that to us when we’re at home. It’s still funny.

*My sister introduced me to and/or taught me the following: How to tease my hair, Righteous Brothers/Beach Boys, CD players, hammer pants, Camaro’s, Poison/Motely Crue/Bon Jovi/Van Halen, leggings, side ponytails, skating rinks, Degrassi High, keds, honky-tonks, karaoke, lip gloss, boys, giggling, trailer parks, guitars, accessories (with the help of my mom now I’m addicted), mini skirts, singing, diaries, the beach, Bob Saget, my little ponies, The Wonder Years, sturrup pants, neon colors,mixed tapes, riding bikes, Palm Springs, target, fried mushrooms, The Oasis, french fries and sour cream, holding hands, California, corsets, and circus peanuts, just to name a few. Thanks sister 🙂

Little house on the prairie


Style THIS!

13 May

I might have just found the most awesome site for styling new outfits, ever! How I haven’t known about this, I’m not sure but I’m really loving it. It’s called Couturious  and its unbelievable cool.  If you ever wanted to sit around on your computer and pick out clothes and style it on a model to see what certain things will look like together (and who doesn’t want to do that?! Ok, probably most people but whatev) then check it out. It’s just like in Clueless when Cher has her whole closet on her computer and it helps her pick out combinations! Ok, I’m sort of fashion obsessed. It’s a version of art and I love to live life in art! And for obvious reasons can’t afford to buy anything designer so, now I get to live vicariously through this website! Hooray!  Check out my first creation:


Items in this Look:

I shall be wearing this when I go to my first premiere! Which will be very, very soon! I said soon damnit.

Things . . .are. . .happening!

12 May


This is a great big shout out and congrats to my beautiful and talented roommate Meghan, who was recently asked to write an ongoing commentary as an expert panelist (fancy!) for the hit show Glee for The Atlantic.   Great job bb! Check it:

‘Glee’: Two Great Songs and One Ridiculous Plot Twist – Culture – The Atlantic.

I freakin love Glee and I don’t care who knows it. Musical theater makes me happy. Pretty costumes, insane and unrealistic situations, and sappy love triangles, makes me happy. Handsome people with great voices singing popular songs MAKES ME HAPPY.  So sue me.

And as long as I’m on a WHATEVER I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK kick I’m also looking forward to the Sex and the City 2 film. YES, I GET IT. It looks awful, stupid, ridiculous but you know what? I don’t care. I’ve been a fan of that show since college when I would watch it with my mom.  Not seeing it would be like going to Disneyland and not going on the It’s a Small World ride b/c I would be embarrassed to admit I like it even though I’ve out grown it . Yes, they should have MAYBE retired that ride a while ago but it’s got nostalgic characters and pretty colors and I’m still entertained.  Even though I’m usually irritated and over it by the time the ride ends, I’m still glad I went. I’m just throwing it out there that I don’t care what people think b/c I recently felt belittled when I happened to mention I wanted to see this movie and got blasted by a guy I didn’t even know for having horrible taste in movies. WHICH I DONT. DAMNIT! I’m not sure what I was more pissed about, the snobby snap judgment that b/c I will go see Sex & the City 2 movies that I’m some stupid, fashion obsessed airhead with no taste in film OR the fact that I felt the need to scramble, defend myself and then try convince this guy that I did in fact, have good taste in movies. Listen, after 10 years of watching these characters, I’m invested! Ugh. Oh who cares. I have nothing to talk about with a movie elitist. One of my all time favorite movies is Urban Cowboy. Wait. . . .  that’s not a good example after I declare that I DO have good taste in movies. But come on people, that’s a cult classic! Can’t we admit our guilty pleasures in bad movies, etc. without forever tarnishing our movie/music/television reputation? Is there no room for Harold and Maude, Millionaire Matchmaker, or Michael Buble?! REALLY? That just makes me sad. My sum is more than my bad movie parts! And, I think, adds some much needed kitsch to my personality. How boring would it be if I only liked all good stuff?

While I have you here and I’m on a roll . . . .can someone tell me who’s in charge of naming the big music venues in this town? I gotta tell you it chaps my hide to hear on the radio “Honda Center, Home Depot Arena, Staples Center, Nokia Live”. You know what you huge, ugly, stupidly named, corporate companies? YOU SUCK. And buying or building a music venue and naming it after your stupid company is ridiculous. It makes me want to scream. And boycott you. And write a strongly worded letter! You people have BILLIONS of dollars and you couldn’t splurge to hire one or two people who could come up with a fun, inspiring, catchy name for music venue?! Names that conjure up images of greatness like the Coliseum, the Forum, the Palladium. Names that sound epic. I mean how much better does it sound saying, “I saw KISS rock my face off at the Forum” vs, “the Muse show was SO awesome . . . at the Staples Center“? Stop it. I know you’re just a bunch of suits thinking about the bottom line but you’re pissing me off and you’re killing the beautiful relationship of music, history, and imagination. 

  Speaking of imagination, a friend of mine turned me on to this great artist named David Choe. His stuff is amazing. He’s not shy, and definitely tells it like it is so if you are easily offended by seemingly immature titles don’t check out his stuff. But if you’re ok with it, you should. His show is going on right now at LAzarides until May 23rd.  I’m just learning about LA’s burgeoning art scene and I’m liking what I’m seeing. So far I’m really diggin Blaine Fontana’s stuff as well as Yellena, who btw I just bought 3 prints from b/c her stuff is so reasonably priced! Anyone else I should know about let me know!

What’s that sound?!

10 May

I’ve been looking forward to house sitting for my friend Marcia for a couple of weeks now. Her electic, purple painted, retiree, resort styled house complete with a pool was going to be my own personal getaway. Time spent lounging by the pool, reading, writing, taking her adorable dog Kasha out for long, luxurious walks in her cute Orthodox Jewish neighborhood spending a few days in suburban bliss. That was the plan anyway. It was going along nicely at first. Meghan came over in the afternoon and we drank gin and crystal light (delicious combo btw) while lying by the pool talking and writing. We went to grab a bite to eat at Aroma Cafe and after I was excited to come back to the house and get in my pj’s and relax with Kasha. House ALL to myself. . . . . and that’s when I started to feel freaked out. I feel asleep by 11 and was startled awake at midnight by Kasha running through the house, out his doggie door to the backyard barking his head off. At what? Probably nothing. Probably just a squirrel or a bird or a ROBBER?!? No. It wasn’t. But being rational wasn’t in the cards for me once that thought popped in my mind  . . . . while I’m lying awake in the dark  . . . . in someone elses house . . . while their dog is barking at something outside. I tried to fall asleep and succeeded once for about 30 minutes. I had the worst nightmare and woke up even MORE freaked out than before. So, I turned on the lights. ALL OF THEM.  And the tv, for good measure. I started to fall asleep only to have the dog freak out AGAIN. By 3:30 am I decided that there was no way I was going to get any sleep and as ridiculous and wimpy as I seemed, I was going to have to drive back to my apartment if I wanted to get any sleep. So that’s what I did. I drove home at close to 4 in the morning. I really hate this about myself. I feel like in life, I’m a pretty tough cookie. I can handle myself and I like a good challenge. Unfortunately, in this situation I’m like a little girl scared of the monsters under her bed when faced with staying in big house all by myself. I was even a little creeped out while driving home. It was so dark out with nobody around. It’s silly. Stupid even. But as soon as I put that key in apt. door I felt better. Relieved. My cute, safe, cozy apartment was all I wanted. And even though Meghan wasn’t there, my kitties were. And MY pillows, MY bed, with MY familiar apartment sounds.

I suppose I’m not that tough after all. I’m kind of a wuss. It’s too bad. Cause that house is awesome. But I won’t be staying the night there again. Guess I can add scaredy cat to my list of annoying habits. And should probably stop watching Law & Order or Forensic Files before going to bed.

Attention: Mondays cancelled forever due to lack of interest (and for just generally sucking ass)

26 Apr

I know today I definitely need a good laugh. So here is what I have to offer in the way of office forwards. P.S. My personal favorite is Destiny. Yes. Awesom-O. Looks like I just found my next Halloween Costume.

Frankly, that sounds made up

23 Apr

So when one of the top stories on MSN was of this handsome gentleman from my home state of Missouri winning $268 million dollars I knew I was going to hear about it. The first email I got was from my bestie Lorena who wrote (and cc’d other people in the office)

Subject: Your kin kinda looks like a hillbilly version of Leonardo DiCaprio

Hilarious. And actually he sorta does. God bless him. Those missing teeth make him look sweet.  Then the responses start flooding in and my sister replied with “I think I made out with this guy when he had teeth……down at the Rubidoux River!! We shared a Marlboro Light.” Oh that sister. She’s a crack up. And probably not lying. The chances are VERY good that indeed, one or the both of us might have made out with either this guy or a guy so similar it would be hard to ever know one way or the other. Then a coworker of mine responds with, “Can’t be…that guy never smoked a light cigarette in his life.” hahahaha . . . . yep. Good point.

I get a lot of flack for being from Missouri. A lot of “so did you have indoor plumbing?” or “those people from Deliverance are they your family?” Hardy har har, btw that movie was set in West Virginia . . .  jerk stores. Now, we’re hillbillies but we’re not THAT hillbilly. . . . . . ok, maybe we are. My uncle use to talk with out moving his lips, all my cousins say “byyyyy God” after everything, going to the wal-mart is exciting for a Sat. night, we bring our own koozy everywhere we go, we shorten everyones name to include either a y or ie at the end and we love to eat anything bacon related. Actually, people from Missouri are a good time. It’s for this reason that the teasing doesn’t bother me. I’m proud as heck to be from the Ozarks! So congratulations to Mr. Shaw. It sounds like he really could use it. And I’m happy to see a fellow Missourian winning it.  And fyi, yes, we did have indoor plumbing, for most of my adult life!

It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new life . . . and I’m feeling fine

23 Apr

With the risk of sounding completely bipolar I wanted to write and assure everyone that I am officially over yesterday’s funk (see post below) and it’s amazing what a difference a day makes! I suppose it doesn’t hurt that’s it’s Friday and the thought of not having to come to work tomorrow does sweeten the pot. I realized next time I’m having a bad day maybe I should just keep it to myself and not blog about it. Otherwise I can expect to receive calls from my Mom that go a little something like this:

Me: Hi Mom, everything alright (it’s in the middle of the day while I’m at work, so I assume something must me up)

Mom: You know I love you very much right?

Me: Yeeeeeeeaaah of course?

Mom: Good because I read your blog and I don’t want you to be down or sad. And I know it sucks (my mom, is awesome) but I love you and things will get better. I understand working somewhere you don’t like can make you miserable.

Me: Oh don’t worry Mom! I’m so totally fine! I was just in sorta a bad mood yesterday but I’m great now. New day, sun is shining, etc.

Mom: Well ok. You know also that I want you to be healthy and live forever too right?

Me: (insert confusion) ummmm. . . . . yeeeeaaaah?

Mom: Good. Quit Smoking.

Me: (head swirling. Who told on me?!) Oh crap. You read my Coachella post. (idiot!!)

Mom: I read your post. Stop smoking. I loooooove you!

And so with just a 2 minute conversation my mom both made me feel better and reminded me that no matter how old I am she will always be looking out for me, which is a pretty nice feeling. Well that and knowing someone (anyone?!?) is reading this. So, thank you so much mom. I love you. You’re the best. And yes, I will stop smoking. Soon. But please, please don’t tell Dad.