Well today is a special day because today is my big sis’s bday. I might be the luckiest person on the planet because I get to have her as a sister. She’s pretty amazing. Beautiful, on the inside and out, funny, sweet, geniune and will give you the shirt off her back (if it fit anyone other than a small child). She loves 80’s metal/hair bands, has pink hair, can rock the sh*t out of leather pants, and cusses like a sailor. She also gives the best hugs. Yeah, she’s a good time. So, in honor of her I thought I’d run down some of my favorite memories of her and I. Keep in mind that most of these memories are of her making a fool outta me (I get it, I’m the stupid one who fell for it, she taught me to be able to laugh at myself) but overall time spent with her has been some of the best, most memorable times in my life. She’s my best friend, my rock, the one person that knows me the best in the whole world and I’m really, really glad I get to call her my sissypie. So Happy Birthday Sister, I love you and here’s to many, many more years of you making an ass out of me, although I really don’t need any help.
*I was about 8 or 9 and desperately wanted to hang with my cooler, older sister by giving each other “makeovers”. She finally gave in and it wasn’t until she couldn’t stop laughing while putting on my make-up that I realized she had made me look like a clown, literally. I didn’t know much about applying make-up but the fact that she wouldn’t let me look at the mirror while doing it and the feeling of that red lipstick extending WAAAAAY past my actual lips and going almost to my ears should have been a red flag. She actually filled that area in as well, so by time I actually looked in the mirror I looked like I had Mr. Potato head lips, crazy eyes, and Raggity Ann cheeks. Well played sister. Needless to say, I never really bothered her with make-up tips again.
*I have really big teeth and more often than not I will get a stray pepper piece or spinach leaf stuck in the middle of them. Once when I was in middle school and she was in high school we were driving around in her black t-topped Camaro (which was totally awesome) we pulled into our local gas station and the guy who owned it, Jack, came up on my side to see how much fuel we wanted. I held a whole conversation with him, laughing, smiling, etc. I thought I was on some sort of roll because my sister was laughing so hard she was crying. It wasn’t until about 15 minutes later when she had to pull over on the side of the road she was laughing so hard that she told me I had something in my teeth. It is for this reason that I am constantly paranoid that I have something in my teeth at all times. Especially when I’m around her and she starts to laugh for no reason.
*I use to work at a local radio station as a DJ and once when my sister came into see me I tried to impress her by dedicating a song to her, on air once she was in her car. She was moving to California then so I thought it would be a great idea to play her a song from one of our favorite bands, Everclear’s Santa Monica. Well I screwed up and live, on-air, dedicated instead, Everclear’s You Make Me Feel Like A Whore to my lovely sister. The sad thing is, I didn’t realize it was the wrong song for quite some time, until listeners started calling in about hearing the word whore on the radio in the bible belt. Let alone, dedicated from one sister to another. Did I mention we lived in a REALLY small town?
*When I was very, very small my sister tried to curl my ridiculously long hair in one of those brushlike curling irons with the bristles in it. Unfortunately she got it so tangled that it took my mom, aunt, and neighbor lady hours to untangle it. I’m not entirely sure they didn’t have to cut some of it out. And I’m not entirely sure she didn’t do it on purpose so she could get rid of me a while so she could go play with her friends alone. Hmmmm.
*When we lived in Redondo Beach her cd of Shania Twain got stuck in her car player for months. Even now, if I hear Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under I think of her and that entire summer we listened to nothing else but that. I don’t even think we tried to figure out how or why it was stuck. And I think it just magically one day came out on it’s own. Good times!
*My sister is really petite but when she does have an appetite she can go hog wild. Although sometimes when she orders food she ends up getting the biggest, most ridiculously huge portions I’ve ever seen. It’s almost as if people at restaurants are playing a joke on her. Once, she ordered a chicken pot pie from Cheesecake Factory and when they brought it out it was the size of a small bag of potatoes. She could literally hide behind it. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Another time we were in the southern part of Colorado at a family reunion and at some local diner she ordered the cinnamon roll. It came out in a cake pan. ONE CINNAMON ROLL. Again, hilarious. That trip was interesting btw. We had driven to Colorado in her escort with no air during the summertime. I got the pleasure of sitting in the back seat. Let’s just say by the end of the trip no one was talking to each other and my eyes and lips were wind chapped. But at least we had that cinnamon roll!
*My sister use to have a car that had a huge hole in the passenger side floorboard. You could literally Flintstone your way somewhere if you wanted. This is also around the time that she took me to a little place called Sidnicks, which was the smallest, dirtest, ugliest dive bar ever. It’s also the place where I had one of the funniest nights of my life and where I first heard The Outfield’s song Your Love to which it will forever hold a special place in my heart. That and a guy named Jeb.
*My sister and I use to work at the same office. She actually helped me get hired. But before I started working there she told everyone that she was the younger sister without telling me. Now, if I try to correct anyone they think I’m just being funny. She does look younger than me (we get that all the time) but the pure genius of telling people that she’s younger, knowing that no matter what I say people won’t believe me, I have to admit is pretty funny.
*We use to share a room when we were younger and at night she would get me all riled up and start tickling me knowing I couldn’t help but laugh LOUDLY. Our mom would yell down the hall . . GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLS! But in this really funny way that would just get us laughing even more. There is something about not being able to laugh that makes everything so much more funny and then IMPOSSIBLE NOT to laugh. We still try to get my mom to say that to us when we’re at home. It’s still funny.
*My sister introduced me to and/or taught me the following: How to tease my hair, Righteous Brothers/Beach Boys, CD players, hammer pants, Camaro’s, Poison/Motely Crue/Bon Jovi/Van Halen, leggings, side ponytails, skating rinks, Degrassi High, keds, honky-tonks, karaoke, lip gloss, boys, giggling, trailer parks, guitars, accessories (with the help of my mom now I’m addicted), mini skirts, singing, diaries, the beach, Bob Saget, my little ponies, The Wonder Years, sturrup pants, neon colors,mixed tapes, riding bikes, Palm Springs, target, fried mushrooms, The Oasis, french fries and sour cream, holding hands, California, corsets, and circus peanuts, just to name a few. Thanks sister 🙂
Little house on the prairie
Keeping It Sassy 